The Neighbors II

ImageYou are going to think that all my neighbors hate me but they don’t, I am really a very likable person, but there are some people that I don’t care for and I simply will not make an efforts to be nice to them just to be nice – they aren’t worth it.  I feel like Katherine Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes when she stole that parking spot from those 20-somethings.

Aside from the foo foo dog people, there is really only one other person who annoys me in our neighborhood; the late 30-something father who thinks he is still 17.  He wears baggy shorts and a T-shirt all the time, works on his car in the drive-way, does next to nothing to help his wife with their four kids, unless of course it is helping the older two with sports in the yard.  He thinks he is all sorts of women candy and walks out of the house checking to see who is looking at him. 

But, that isn’t the reason I can’t stand him.  The real reason is that he purposely doesn’t have a muffler on his car and every time he comes and goes the entire neighborhood rumbles with the sounds of his music blaring over the unmuffled car engine.  Now, you may be thinking, this isn’t the end of the world.  Well, there is one more piece to the puzzle, the Paul Harvey piece – if you will.  Mr. Studmuffins here works nights.  So, we can be in bed with the windows closed and still have the sound of his car and radio wake us from a dead sleep every evening between 10:25 and 10:30 like clockwork and then again in the morning when he returns between 6:30 and 7:00 (even on Saturday and Sunday mornings). 

It is rather obviously that Mr. Studmuffins would like to return to his younger years, revving car engines to get women’s attention and dressing like a stud because he is just beyond cool.  Well, Pal, you are about two days from my wrath because you have an unhealthy sense of self-worth and entitlement.  Thinking that you can make the kind of noise you do and no one would dare say anything, well, you certainly don’t know one of your neighbors very well … but you will soon!

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The Neighbors

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Ok, Mark, my friend who convinced me to start this blog, has been hounding me because I haven’t posted in a while.  Well, to shut his pie hole, here we go. I have really been noticing lately that I have no patience for certain people. The only people in my neighborhood that I have ever had a problem with are all related to my dog Toby.

As you can see, he is a Chow and he is also an alpha dog.  He marks his territory around this ‘hood like a boss. Not only is he a Chow, he is big for a Chow and let me just throw this out there, I love this dog more than my husband sometimes.  The girls regularly joke that I love the dog more than I love them.  To which I reply, “Well, there are times because when was the last time he didn’t pick up after himself?  Didn’t do what I asked? or didn’t give me all the love I could ever ask for and not want a thing in return?”  Yeah, you get the picture.

Truth be told, when we got him from a Chow rescue in the South (The Hub still doesn’t know I spent $250 to have him flow up here in addition to the $200 adoption fee and $75 for the air crate) everyone was either at work or school so it made perfect sense that he would bond with me because I was the one who walked him, feed him and gave him affection.  Today, no matter where I am, he is always within 10 feet of me … and I love him for that.

Additionally, Toby is the best damn guard dog in the world.  He knows when to bark and when not to and while I may have to hold him back on his leash sometimes when we are out walking because he sees just about every other person on the streets as a threat to me, aside from that, this dog is the bomb.

He also likes to escape and reign over his domain of the ‘hood. Sometimes in the summer if the door doesn’t get closed tight or if he finds the weak spot in the back fence, he is off marking ever possible spot in the neighborhood … and chasing squirrels and the occasional cat.  Now, when he gets lose I have no way of knowing where he does his business, sue me.  He got the neighbors’ cat one time a few years ago and threw it around like a rag doll but no real harm was done and the neighbors admitted that they know that cats aren’t supposed to roam the neighborhood but they let it so, no harm no foul. (Yes, I like these neighbors and they are hockey people too so that adds to their awesomeness).

To juxtaposition the aforementioned neighbors, there is the hoity toity couple around the corner who have these two little Bichon foo foo dogs that Toby could eat for a morning snack and still want more.  This couple doesn’t have kids so they treat the dogs like their kids, yeah, those kind of people.  Well, one time a few years ago Toby got out and it just so happened that the foo foos were just a few house down and Toby made a beeline for them and their owners. I came outside just in time to see Toby barking his ass off at the dogs who were cowering in their owners arms.  I’m not going to lie, I was proud of my boy!

I smiled a little as I headed back into the house to get his leash and then go after him.  Then the idiot wife yells at me, “Are you going to come and get your dog?” with all sorts of attitude. I yelled back, “Is it okay with you if I go get his leash?  I’ll wait for you to answer!”  And I stood there, she was fuming, and I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows as Toby barked and barked.  She stood their dumbfounded.  “OK, get the leash!” she yelled. “Are you sure?” I yelled back.  So, I went in and got the leash and Toby came to me almost immediately.

They have left nasty anonymous notes on our mailbox about having Animal Control come and take Toby to be put down and etc.  Like I didn’t know who left the notes?  So, thanks to a friend who works at the Town, I found out some interesting info about the foo foos.  So, I left a note out the next day saying, “Did you know that there is a $50 per dog fine for not having your dogs registered with the Town? Did you know that the Town could come and take your dogs charge you $150 per dog plus the fine before you can get them back?”

Yeah, of you want to run with the big dogs, Honey, ya gotta get off the porch.

Happy Spring!

Teaching for The Test … Standardized Testing Fallout

ImageWe live in a state where education is beyond complex and it seems as if each year the State Dept. of Education, to justify its own existence, has to make some sort of sweeping change that has a domino effect across every school district.  Now, we have a superintendent who has added his own system on top of the State’s and I really don’t see where teachers have any time whatsoever to teach, discover or even get to know their own students.  It is like they live in a pressurized bubble.

When I graduated high school some 20+ years ago, I graduated with the highest diploma available at the time and was considered the “college track.”   Just a few weeks ago I sat down with Bella and her guidance counselor to go over a plan of her next four years and to understand the graduation requirements, etc. In one generation the requirements for a college track diploma in this state have gone insane.   Add this to the Standardized Testing, the superintendent’s plan and the State Dept. of Education’s expectations, it is no wonder there is a movement across the country to opt your children out of these insanely expensive standardized tests.

If you simply Google “Opt Out Standardized Testing” you will get an overload of sites out there, some national, some state-wide and other local, that are spreading the word about taking a stand against these expensive tests that in reality tell us very little and generate billions of dollars in revenue to the companies who design the tests.  The pressure that is put on these students and teachers is insane.  My daughters are scheduled to take some big tests next month and already they have after school help sessions, study sheets, packets, etc. all geared toward these tests.

Here is the bottom line, for me anyway, if you teach to the test and focus so much time and effort into students getting the best scores possible, aren’t you defeating the purpose of the testing in the first place?  If we want a true,, honest measure of what they know then there should be no exam prep or specific information about what the test covers except in very board and general descriptions.  Only then can we really measure what a child knows vs. what has been shoved down their throats and is being temporarily stored in their short term memory until three minutes after they walk out of the testing room.  My real fear is that these types of situations are only going to become more frequent.

Far too often people want to treat kids as just young adults.  They’re NOT!  Not cognitively not physically and certainly not emotionally.   Furthermore, these tests do not have any kind of impact on students’ grades; they are solely for the purpose of the schools at the local and state levels to gauge their performance.  Since schools and districts are regularly caught red-handed fudging numbers to the State and Federal Departments of Education, our kids have now become the sacrificial lambs of adults who have no moral compass.  For fear of losing their job or those around them, they provided misinformation and now our kids are paying the price.  Instead of punishing districts who provide false information, because, ya know that would be embarrassing, we now spend billions on standardized testing.

Taking into consideration all of the formal class time taken away from the regular curriculum to prepare, study and practice for these tests, the only one really losing out is the student. We keep pushing irrational expectations on our students and once we have them indoctrinated into these State tests some detached administrator at the State Department of Education is going to say, “Hey!  Look how well they did with this.  They are capable of much more!”  Then it becomes a new challenge to change the state curriculum, change the graduation requirements, change the testing expectations and generate new standardized tests … all so the people at the State Department of Education can justify their existence.

And what do you think the kick backs are for these administrators from the testing companies? All at the expense of our kids.

Mine will be opted out and will refuse to take the exams.  That is just the way it is going to be.

Wow! Finally – Down Shifting!

ImageWe have had a whirlwind weekend at Chez-Oz!  Friday evening consisted of a very important hockey game which, due to a totally awesome victory, lead to a road trip the following day for a championship game.  Not to mention the excitement for Mia’s karate belt graduation on Saturday.  And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the resurrection of Mia’s iPod thanks to some savvy techs at the local repair shop.  The poor thing had been without it for close to three months and is now the definition of a happy camper.

Once her graduation was over she and I hopped in the car for an overnight “roady”, as the hockey lingo goes, to a beautifully placid place for the hockey championships.  Bella was away for the weekend with a friend and her family so she missed out on all the craziness but had, in her words, “a total blast!”

As if that weren’t enough, after the devastating loss in hockey we were up bright and early to get back home for a family birthday party.  Am I done?  Ohhh no!  Once we made it to the party we came home to pick up Bella and finish a school project that Mia was supposed to have worked on with a classmate.  (Why oh WHY do teachers insist on group projects?)  After multiple attempts at trying to get her classmate to finish the project, we just decided to ditch the classmate and finish it ourselves.

After running to the crafts shop to grab a few last minute things for the project, we come home Sunday around 6 pm to a phone message from said classmate’s mom begging us to meet up at her office to finish the project.  I stood my ground but not wanting to ruin things for Mia, I caved and we went and spent over two hours finishing up that blasted project which, of course, the mom, Mia and I worked on while the classmate “played.”

I so just wanted to take a nap this morning but the busy weekend left the house looking like a Kansas tornado blew through so here I sit wanting nothing but a nap as I clean, pick up and reminisce over a totally awesome weekend!

On a side note, last week I sent an email to Bella’s PE teacher to thank him for going the extra mile in a unit they are doing because he made sure he tracked down equipment that would fit Bella’s size.  Here is his response;

” It is my pleasure, I admire Bella for her effort to always do her best
without excuses. She remains positive when many students would give up. I
will always do whatever I can to support her efforts. Thank you for the
kind words …”

After reading that, I suddenly don’t feel so tired …

I’m Probably Going to Hell for This …

Image…but I had to laugh this morning.  There is a teen in our community who has a horrible illness that could have been life-threatening yet it was caught early and the doctors are confident that this teen has a 100% survival rate on kicking this disease’s ass.  The treatment sucks and the child is on various meds, missing a lot of school, etc. but in about four to six months, will be completely fine.

I know the mom must be going through hell and all the running to doctors and the hospital for treatment has to be a royal pain (been there!) but … you’re child is going to be fine!  The mom is part of the same group of people that I deal with on a regular basis who I have to treat almost like children to get them to understand that when it comes to Bella you need to remember certain things; 1)  You can’t pull on her limbs 2) Her arms aren’t long enough or strong enough to absorb the impact of a fall – it will be her skull that will take the brunt of it.  3) The closest hospital with the staff that knows how to operate on the head of a child with dwarfism is over five hours away.  I could go on and on but you get the idea.  If you are a parent of a child with dwarfism, you know the drill.

Yet, I can’t help but want to wave the “HELLLLLLLLO!” flag at this mom over her recent comments about being concerned about her suffering from PTSD once all of the trauma of this medical event with her child is over.  She said, “Everyday it’s something,” Really?  No shit? Welcome to my world!  (Yes, I said, “shit” it won’t happen again).

Not that I am screaming for attention here but other parents with kids with special needs don’t have the luxury of knowing that they just have to hold it together for a few more months and life will go back to some semblance of normalcy.   There will be emotional scars, sure, but for the most part, it will be all over.  Moms like me will never even grasp what that light at the end of the tunnel is even like, it just simply isn’t an option for us.

I know I am being irreverent here but I am just dumbfounded at how myopic people can be.  I really have to wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that we have always kept Bella’s situation within our family and close circle of friends.  If she has something going on medically, or potentially going on, we don’t go posting it all over Facebook to make people feel sorry for us or to tisk, “Oh! That poor family!”  It is our cross to bear and I am doing what needs to be done for Bella and no one else needs to know about it because it is just water cooler fodder for them.   If you need to be in-the-know, I will let you know!

I know that this mom is most likely just having a weak moment where she felt sorry for herself and made those feelings public.  I know that she is right in the middle of the storm with the medical side of her situation with her child and can only see how things affect her and not vice versa – please – don’t think that I am heartless.  I can totally understand where she is coming from but to be worrying about having PTSD when this is all over?  Come on!

I just wish people could take the time to realize that all of those kids with special needs that they pass in the store, at the mall or even at the hospital, have parents that live with whatever the condition may be, everyday …. forever.

(Thank you for letting me vent today!)

My Mia: My Gift from God

ImageAfter realizing that many of my posts deal with Bella as of late, I thought I would dedicate this post to Mia.  While Bella is at the beginning of a very volatile time in her life, Mia is at a very solid, comfortable place in hers.  Yet, that wasn’t always the case.  From the time she was very young, Mia preferred to play alone and be by herself.  She seemed more content that way.   As she grew older and started school, some social issues began to pop up and academic ones as well.  Everything really came to a head when her 4th Grade teacher came to me and told me that she was very concerned about Mia.   I won’t bore you with the details but once she was tested and her diagnosis of Central Auditory Processing Disorder was confirmed.  It seemed to truly help her and us to be able to put a framework to her uniqueness.

Mia was named after my grandmother and let me just tell you that my grandmother was one of my best friends.  I loved and adored that woman so much and losing her in the early 90’s was the most devastating event of my life.  When Mia was a toddler, she would look up sometimes and it was as if my grandmother was in her eyes.  Her physical features and some of her facial expressions are exactly like her great-grandmother’s.  In fact, a cousin was visiting once and I had told him about Mia’s expressions that were just like our grandmother’s.  He was on the floor playing with her and out of the corner of my eye I saw him almost jump out of his skin, startled by something.  I looked at him and he just shook his head.  Later he told me that he saw the expressions I had told him about and it was as if our grandmother was right there looking at him.

Now, I am not saying that Mia is the reincarnation of her great-grandmother, I don’t believe in reincarnation.  What I do believe is that God knew how much I missed my grandmother and he gave me a little piece of her in Mia.  He allowed the physical characteristics that were in our gene pool to be prominent in Mia to remind me everyday of my grandmother.

About a year and a half ago, Mia began to grow academically, socially and personally.  She and I were always very close because I seemed to understand her when those around her didn’t.  When Bella would be “kidnapped” by my mom for a few days at a time over the summer, Mia and I considered those days as “Mommy and Mia Days.”  We would do fun things that she wanted to do, go places and spend time together.  This was a wonderful time and it built an amazing foundation for us and that trust and comfort that we established then has allowed her to confide in me and flourish over the past year or so.

We understand her learning issues and know how to combat them now, we understand her social quirks and are well on our way to ironing them out and she has made amazing strides academically in the past year.  Yet, while I may take credit for some of these strides, I need to give credit to that one piece of the puzzle that, when it was finally put in place, made Mia one of the most incredible pre-teens I know.  That piece was karate.

Mia hated anything that was competitive; board games, card games, video games – if it was an activity that had a winner and a loser she wanted no part of it.  We tried exposing her to extra-curricular activities and while she would participate in them initially, once they began to get competitive she wanted nothing to do with it.  I cannot tell you how many flyers came home form school and each time I asked, she would say she wasn’t interested.  The day the flyer came home for karate though, I almost didn’t ask her but that little voice, which I am sure was God, told me to ask anyway.  I will never forget the smile on her face as she stood in the dining room with her arms raised in the air, “YES!”

This coming weekend she will be graduating to her 5th belt level and she has become one of the leaders of her class.  We are at the dojo at least five nights a week and I cherish every moment because she is so happy there; she is in her element.  She loves everything about it because they emphasize personal growth and getting better on an individual level and the competitive nature of the sport is gradually built into what they do.  The instructors are fun, well-trained and create an environment of positive motivation for the students and the kids have such respect for them – when one of them compliments Mia on how well she did something the smile on her face makes me tear up almost every time.  All that runs through my mind is, “Thank you, God!”

Karate spills over into all aspects of her life because they also teach her life skills as part of the program.  She works hard everyday at school and knows that because of her CAPD she has to work a little harder, yet through karate she has learned that hard work pays off once you put in the time and efforts necessary.  She is well ahead of those of her generation who expect things from life without putting in the work ethic required to earn those rewards.

Two years ago you would have regularly found me in tears, worried about Mia’s future and how she would survive in this world.  Today I cry as well, but for the opposite reason!

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Kids …

ImageI have always told my over-worked husband that the greatest gift you can give your kids in your time.  I can completely understand his desire to relax, watch TV or work in the yard when he isn’t working but I always tell him that he has to make time to just be with the girls.  He agrees but often times there is very little follow through on his part.  This past week, I really don’t know what got him to this point, but he has finally starting drinking the Kool-aid.

He came home a few days ago and told me that he was going to cut his hours and add another evening off during the week to just be here with us.  While I am thrilled with his change of heart, that means I have another night where I have to be good! LOL

In all honesty, I really am over the moon with his realization.  I have a close friend from high school who learned this lesson too late and his two oldest children tolerate his presence at best.  Yet, he does get kudos for making more of an effort with their youngest and being more involved in her life.  Unfortunately, I don’t think he will ever be able to fix the damage with the older two but, he does deserve applause for what he is attempting to do with his youngest.

Thankfully The Hub is making this move before the girls are too old and turn their backs on him.  He still needs guidance but he is realizing that he needs to connect more with his kids.  It can be something as simple as having a TV show that they are both into or taking them out on a date to get ice cream.  Maybe take one of them to the store with you or something as simple as that.  All they want is to be included – Your time is all kids really want.

Last night, Bella was having a rough time with some friends so I picked her up and without saying a word, instead of heading home, we went to a family restaurant and had an appetizer and just talked.  I didn’t say much, I just listened to her and let her talk it out.  I could see in her eyes that this was all she really wanted and needed, just some time with me, away from the house, the phone, the rest of the family to just talk.  It was actually quite entertaining to watch her talk her way through the situation, rationalize it and come to a conclusion about how to handle herself.  As I mentioned, I said next to nothing but at the end, she said, “Thank you, Momma for talking through this with me.  I feel much better.”

All I did was eat onion rings … but I gave her what she needed my time.