The Neighbors II

ImageYou are going to think that all my neighbors hate me but they don’t, I am really a very likable person, but there are some people that I don’t care for and I simply will not make an efforts to be nice to them just to be nice – they aren’t worth it.  I feel like Katherine Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes when she stole that parking spot from those 20-somethings.

Aside from the foo foo dog people, there is really only one other person who annoys me in our neighborhood; the late 30-something father who thinks he is still 17.  He wears baggy shorts and a T-shirt all the time, works on his car in the drive-way, does next to nothing to help his wife with their four kids, unless of course it is helping the older two with sports in the yard.  He thinks he is all sorts of women candy and walks out of the house checking to see who is looking at him. 

But, that isn’t the reason I can’t stand him.  The real reason is that he purposely doesn’t have a muffler on his car and every time he comes and goes the entire neighborhood rumbles with the sounds of his music blaring over the unmuffled car engine.  Now, you may be thinking, this isn’t the end of the world.  Well, there is one more piece to the puzzle, the Paul Harvey piece – if you will.  Mr. Studmuffins here works nights.  So, we can be in bed with the windows closed and still have the sound of his car and radio wake us from a dead sleep every evening between 10:25 and 10:30 like clockwork and then again in the morning when he returns between 6:30 and 7:00 (even on Saturday and Sunday mornings). 

It is rather obviously that Mr. Studmuffins would like to return to his younger years, revving car engines to get women’s attention and dressing like a stud because he is just beyond cool.  Well, Pal, you are about two days from my wrath because you have an unhealthy sense of self-worth and entitlement.  Thinking that you can make the kind of noise you do and no one would dare say anything, well, you certainly don’t know one of your neighbors very well … but you will soon!


The Neighbors


Ok, Mark, my friend who convinced me to start this blog, has been hounding me because I haven’t posted in a while.  Well, to shut his pie hole, here we go. I have really been noticing lately that I have no patience for certain people. The only people in my neighborhood that I have ever had a problem with are all related to my dog Toby.

As you can see, he is a Chow and he is also an alpha dog.  He marks his territory around this ‘hood like a boss. Not only is he a Chow, he is big for a Chow and let me just throw this out there, I love this dog more than my husband sometimes.  The girls regularly joke that I love the dog more than I love them.  To which I reply, “Well, there are times because when was the last time he didn’t pick up after himself?  Didn’t do what I asked? or didn’t give me all the love I could ever ask for and not want a thing in return?”  Yeah, you get the picture.

Truth be told, when we got him from a Chow rescue in the South (The Hub still doesn’t know I spent $250 to have him flow up here in addition to the $200 adoption fee and $75 for the air crate) everyone was either at work or school so it made perfect sense that he would bond with me because I was the one who walked him, feed him and gave him affection.  Today, no matter where I am, he is always within 10 feet of me … and I love him for that.

Additionally, Toby is the best damn guard dog in the world.  He knows when to bark and when not to and while I may have to hold him back on his leash sometimes when we are out walking because he sees just about every other person on the streets as a threat to me, aside from that, this dog is the bomb.

He also likes to escape and reign over his domain of the ‘hood. Sometimes in the summer if the door doesn’t get closed tight or if he finds the weak spot in the back fence, he is off marking ever possible spot in the neighborhood … and chasing squirrels and the occasional cat.  Now, when he gets lose I have no way of knowing where he does his business, sue me.  He got the neighbors’ cat one time a few years ago and threw it around like a rag doll but no real harm was done and the neighbors admitted that they know that cats aren’t supposed to roam the neighborhood but they let it so, no harm no foul. (Yes, I like these neighbors and they are hockey people too so that adds to their awesomeness).

To juxtaposition the aforementioned neighbors, there is the hoity toity couple around the corner who have these two little Bichon foo foo dogs that Toby could eat for a morning snack and still want more.  This couple doesn’t have kids so they treat the dogs like their kids, yeah, those kind of people.  Well, one time a few years ago Toby got out and it just so happened that the foo foos were just a few house down and Toby made a beeline for them and their owners. I came outside just in time to see Toby barking his ass off at the dogs who were cowering in their owners arms.  I’m not going to lie, I was proud of my boy!

I smiled a little as I headed back into the house to get his leash and then go after him.  Then the idiot wife yells at me, “Are you going to come and get your dog?” with all sorts of attitude. I yelled back, “Is it okay with you if I go get his leash?  I’ll wait for you to answer!”  And I stood there, she was fuming, and I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows as Toby barked and barked.  She stood their dumbfounded.  “OK, get the leash!” she yelled. “Are you sure?” I yelled back.  So, I went in and got the leash and Toby came to me almost immediately.

They have left nasty anonymous notes on our mailbox about having Animal Control come and take Toby to be put down and etc.  Like I didn’t know who left the notes?  So, thanks to a friend who works at the Town, I found out some interesting info about the foo foos.  So, I left a note out the next day saying, “Did you know that there is a $50 per dog fine for not having your dogs registered with the Town? Did you know that the Town could come and take your dogs charge you $150 per dog plus the fine before you can get them back?”

Yeah, of you want to run with the big dogs, Honey, ya gotta get off the porch.

Happy Spring!